dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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