you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
