I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
