I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
