it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
