Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize