i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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