I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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