When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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