im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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