I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
