I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
