I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
