Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
