just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
