If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My pussy is not your playground.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
