Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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