apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
