EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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