You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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