So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
