I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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