Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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