I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
