I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
