i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
