i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
