Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We're too hungover to prance.
You ruined the universe
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
