I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
