That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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