remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
