i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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