when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
