y did u give ur computer a hand job?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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