I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
