I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize