i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
They are going to name an STD after you.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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