So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
