I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
