he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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