i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
