Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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