Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize