he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The Olympian is in my bed
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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