Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
