Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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