You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
