there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
