He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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