What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
