I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
