I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
