I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
