absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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