WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
