addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
