we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
