Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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