i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Did I show you my penis last night?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
