very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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