I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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