Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
