if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Randomize
