You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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