your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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