I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
