It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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