a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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