this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
