hotel room ftw
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
