there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
