I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
