So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
