chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
