I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize