I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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