Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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