I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
