I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
