I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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