I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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