I should be sponsored by Trojan
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
